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So, it has been months since I've posted so I am going to make a list of things that have happened in my life and you can ask me to extrapolate personally! I will be more than happy to do so!

-Tunisia
-Spain
-Crazy Roommate Freak Out
-Weekend in Grenoble/Les 2 Alps
-Return of said roommate
-Moving out the apartment
-Planning my trip to Istanbul

All of these stories are good, so just ask.....some of my favorites include roommate freak and the return of! Stay tuned!

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And now, an excerpt from my life during "Les Soldes:"

There I am, in Celio, my favorite store, rifling through 30-50% off jeans when, out of nowhere, I am approached by a man. This is my story (pum pum--Law & Order noise)-

Homme: Qu'est ce-que c'est votre taille?
Moi: Pardon?
Homme: Votre taille?
(crude hand gesture of him "measuring his waist)
Moi: 48
Homme:48?
Moi: Oui (in my head, "c'est ce que j'ai dit!)
Homme: Pas 50??
Moi: Non, 48

From there, he directed me to a wall of jeans saying a girl was putting up 48s. I walked away knowing there were no jeans for me there...mostly because I already looked.

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AND NOW, THE FIRST SEGMENT OF "TERRIBLE FRENCH INVENTIONS!!"
Featured today is: Covert Overt Racism!

Yes, you read correctly. France is the master of hidden, yet obvious racism! Now, you may be thinking, "You're really a crazy fool," but I assure you, I am not.

I'm not sure if you are aware, but France has a law saying Muslim girls are not allowed to wear their kimar in public schools. The idea is to seperate church and state. Their reasoning on this point I cannot disagree with. However, it does almost infringe on a freedom of religion attitude. You can practice whatever religion you want...just as long as it's on our terms......

So, seperation of church and state, love it. I think we need more of it in the States. However, I was walking into one of my schools, the "ghetto" one with mostly a Muslim population (coincidence, I think not), and what do I see? Take a guess.....

A giant fucking Christmas tree! Right there! Right in the middle of the lobby!! I cant' help but wonder, is this different than the US? To me, I would say it's different. While it's true we have a "Seperation of Church and State" clause in the Constitution, we still put Christmas trees in the lobbies of our schools, but we do not ban any religous attire from our public schools.

So, thank you France for inventing Covert Overt racism and using it so liberally.

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So, this past weekend, Cari and I decided to go to Switzerland. Neither of us had been there and we just really wanted to check it out. I was told by several people not to go...most notably my French mom, Chantal. But, me, being so stubborn, just had to check it out.

The vacay started off normally. Cari and I got on the train, which was really nice. Everything is going just great, until we hear an announcement over the speaker. We weren't really paying attention, but I was not going to understand it at all anyways, so we didn't hear what they said. We sat in this one town for a really long time and we finally began moving again. The SNCF man started walking through the train and taking tickets. I had everything ready so I could just give him everything.

He took on look at my ticket and asked me, in mumbled French, "So you're going to Geneve. You were supposed to get on the last car at the last stop." (I clearly did not understand any of this and left everything to Cari to figure out.) Turns out, the train broke apart!!! I didn't know that kind of technology existed in France! You could just color me embarassed at this point. Cari asked how to get to Geneva from where we were and where we were going.

Three stops later, we got off the train in Annemasse, a nice little border town, but much nicer than the ones in Texas. We bought a bus ticket at the Office of Tourism there and 10 minutes later we were at the douane. Cari said it was a very serious place and you can't have your cameras out and all that jazz. We followed some people who looked like they knew where they were going and we traversed the border by foot and we were in Switzerland! No passport check. No baggage check. No racial profiling! No tampon in my passport!

After thinking we broke several international laws, because I had a bag of oranges in my backpack, we were ready to go out and see the city! It was chillier than I have felt so far in France, probably from the high altitude. The first stop was the Cathedral where you could see a panoramic view of the city. But, we never quite made it because we took a wrong turn, and stumbled on the gem that is the Jet d'Eau.

The Jet d'Eau shoots water from Lake Geneva out at 200 km/h and 140m into the air! It was actually really cool to see. However, the walkway was really dangerous. It was soooo narrow and had no guard rails. It is a wonder more tourist lives are not lost every year.....

After that, we really decided to go the Cathedral. So, we walked in that general direction and came across an odd little ceremony. It included people in period costumes, open fires cooking food, and said people selling these little pins for your lapel (I had mistaken them for gypsies and did not make eye contact for a while). Cari and I had NO idea what the hell they were doing, so we just went with it, fighting our way into the church where they were the most populous. However, once inside, we could not go up in the tower because we did not have Swiss Francs and it looked clothes...whoopsies!

With all major tourist sites seen, we decided to walk around and came across the Musee des Beaux Arts. I saw a little sign hanging from the lampposts that they had a Nefertiti and Akenantin exhibit, and I was all for it! We went in and the receptionist didn't make us pay because we said we were students, which we aren't, and because we didn't have francs. The exhibit was really cool, looking at heiroglyphics from 1000s of years ago. There was also a movie about how to read heiroglyphics, which was really interesting. I only understood it because it was pictures haha.

From there, we stumbled on the Russian church which looks like the one in Moscow, but smaller I imagine. I thought this was an odd choice, but there must be a pretty strong Russian Orthodox population. I'm guessing there was a huge rise in the population after The Wall came down. Those run down Soviets wanted a taste of what money and banks looked like.

More walking around and boring stuff...but eventually went back to the hostel where I fell asleep for a little. It was a long day looking at all that wealth and wishing I was a part of it.


(1 Hour Later)

I woke up and it was dinner time. We really wanted to taste the local fare, which was fondue!! We went to one restaurant and asked if we could eat fondue and they said, "Yes, yes, of course!" like we were fools for wanting it. Literally, 5 minutes later, they said they had no fondue. 5 seconds later we left.

So we walked in the cold mountain air and finally found a place that had fondue. We ordered and it came and we were so excited. The server lit the little candle underneath the pot and almost immediately, the cheese started to bubble. I thought the flame was on too high but was reassured by Cari it was not. The cheese was devoured a few minutes later, but not before a couple of battle wounds. Both of us burned the roofs of our mouths and I burned my lip!!! What is Switzerland trying to do to me?!?!

It was after dinner we decided to see the Jet d'Eau at night, since there is nothing else to see. So, took the tram to the Centre Ville and started walking the exact same route we took earlier that day. It was when we got to the Lake that we stumbled upon the drug transaction taking place! I said, in a very calm voice, "Oh, this is scary," and Cari and I just walked the other way from the Jet d'Eau, which was not even on!! I swear, Switzerland is crazy! That was the icing on the cake and we decided to head back to the hostel so we could sleep and just leave this city ASAP!

We woke up in the morning, and decided to go to the UN building and see it. It was actually really cool, even just the outside! There was an awesome scuplture there called "Broken Chair" which celebrated the world ban on land mine usage. Very cool. From there, we went to the train station, where we hunkered in a phone booth eating the last of my clementines because we thought we couldn't take them back to France. Little did we know there was no one who even cared to look at our passports at the customs area!!

I was never happier to be on the train heading back to Lyon from this ill begotten vacatoin from Hades.....

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Let me tell me about a little thing called "The Worst Day I've Had in France." It started on the 27th of November. I had to wake up very early for my early class, which was not bad since I have been doing it for my sojourn in France thus far. The 45 second walk to the Metro was normal and nothing uneventful happened. However, once on the train, an announcer came over the speakers to tell us that there were some technical difficulties. This concerned me a little because there is no driver for this train. It is all automatic. Anyways, three minutes later, we were on our way. When we pulled up to the next stop, the platform was completely packed with people!! I just thought to myself, "Damnit!" I hate it when the Metro is so packed you cannot even breathe, but I guess that is just life.

We pulled into the station where I transfer and as I was walking up the stairs, which happened to be a stopped escalator....and whoops, I tripped right up those stairs! I was so embarassed, but I think I played it off really well and did not stop the foot traffic. It is going to take a little bit more than that to trample me French commuters! As I pulled myself up and continued on my way, I said to myself, "You know Vince, I think it's just going to be one of those days."

The day went on pretty well. My throat started to hurt due to some pretty heinous post nasal drip, but I did not let that stop me. Later, I went to one of my classes, and, for whatever reason imaginable, I was sitting in the wrong room! I was so embarassed! There were students standing outside saying, "I think you are in the wrong room," in broken English of course. Not the worst thing, but it just had to happen on that day!

Seeing as how I moved into my apartment the day before, I decided I should purchase some sort of bedding. So, I went to my local Carrefour, which is the Wal-Mart equivalent. I spent a really long time looking at stuff to buy because, I mean, I have to sleep on this stuff. Turns out, I just picked the cheapest stuff there and nothing really matches consequently. Here's where the good stuff really happens.

I walked up to a checkout line that said, "Caisse Pass," which is for people who only have a Carrefour card. The cashier saw me and asked me a question I really didn't understand, so I smiled and slowly backed away. I stepped to the next lane, and this was "Caisse Pass" and "Carte Bancaire." I said to myself, "Well, I think I have one of those!" However, this did not stop the pushy Carrefour employees from interrogating my means of payment; and this time, it was a duo! It was a manager training the new guy. So, the manager asked me question, but I could not hear her, so I asked her again, and she came out and asked me how I was paying. I was confused so I said my credit card and she asked me something else and I confirmed and she was satisfied with that.

5 minutes later, the time came for my items to be scanned. Everything was going to plan, but the cashier just stopped half way through and was told me the total of half of my items. I pointed to the rest of the items and was so hot (it was about 73 degrees celsius) and flustered I could not think of the words to communicate. He understood my arachaic form of communication and continued scanning. At this point, the manager noticably laughing and I just ignored her. The transaction was almost complete and the cashier asked me a question to the likes of, "parquer." Now, this is not even French French, this is Canadian French. Ol' dude thought I was Canadian!! It was during this time that the manager just lost it and burst out laughing and said, "He's not Canadian! He doesn't even speak French!"

I mean damn bitch! She did NOT have to call me out like that! Whatever, I just paid and left very frustrated and very embarassed.

Now, you must be thinking to yourself, this sordid tale must be over! What more can this poor soul take in one day? Well, I finally got back on the Metro to go home, which was way packed of course because everyone is trying to go home. I was OK with that, but on the way to one of the stops, the lights turned out and the train SLAMMED on the brakes! EVERYONE, inlcuding myelf, went flying forward! I was just like, "What the hell!!??" An announcer came on and said there was an accident at another stop, which we were not heading.

I made it home shortly thereafter, thank Yahweh. I unpacked my shit, curled up, and pretended I was someone else for the rest of night. I guess it could have been worse for the worst day in France haha!

Stardate: -314178.253801103

This morning, we decided to check out Villeneuve, you know, the town just across the River Rhone with the giant building? We left to catch the bus, which was a little walk, but not bad. It was at the bus stop mistake number one was made. We decided to walk to La Chartreuse since the bus was not coming for another 15 mins. It really did not look that far on the map. Plus, it is Europe. When things look far, they really are not!

About 1/4 of the way across the bridge, we saw the bus fly past us, and we all just thought, "shit." Needless to say, walking there took a little longer than anticipated. By the time we reached the tourist office, it was almost time to head back to Avignon to check out of our hostel on time. There was no time left to see La Chartreuse and everything else was closed. Oops!

Upon return to the hostel, we gathered our belongings, which, or course, I forgot my phone charger. We went to check out and the man behind the desk told us since we did not pay, the computer system was stuck on the previous day. He was basically blaming us when no one even asked us to pay. We even had our money out and ready to be taken from the clerksmen....oh well.

As mentioned before, our hostel was a 10 min. walk to the gare and we actually caught the next train to Arles, so we did not have to wait around with nothing to do! It was only a 20 min. train ride and it really just kinda snuck up on us. We thought we were going to miss it so we scrambled out there and the French man in our little compartment thought we were nuts.

We began our walk to the hostel, which turned out to be quite a hike, especially with all of our giant bags! However, the hike was worth it, because when we got there, it was fantastic...mostly because it was a hotel. The room was very big, it had a pool, and we had our own little patio looking into the courtyard. It had very "South of France" feel since there were palm trees and little lizards that look like the ones from Florida. The room was decorated in a lovely bright pink and orange pattern. Kristi accurately described it as a, "teenage girl's bedroom." Spot on.

Naturally, I was extemely tired and wanted to take nap, but the girls would not allow me to do so. We left right away to do some touristy stuff. The first order of business was to get some lunch....we were sooo famished. We found a lovely little place that was moderately inexpensive, but not really. It was finished with a lovely dessert of pistachio icecream and brown sugar and pecan icecream. Both flavors were fucking fantastic and I am glad I was American and got both flavors.

Sufficiently energized, we made a plan of action to go to the tourist office to get a map and ask questions about the passes in the city. Along the way, we stumbled upon a little place with a nice little fountain and a lovely church. It was set perfectly in front of a beautiful blue sky backdrop. You cannot go anywhere in France without finding somewhere to be!

After the T.O., our first stop was the Roman Arena. It was not the grandest of the Roman Arenas, but there is absolutely nothing as old in the US. Well, there probably is but we destroyed whatever remnants of American Indian culture that survived. Once inside, it was surreal to think that people were sitting where I was sitting 4,000 or so years ago. The building was so well engineered it is still used today for "bull fighting." The top also provided breathtaking views of the city and surrounding areas.

Next on our agenda were the Thermes, or Roman Baths, if you will. This was very interesting as well. I have never seen them before. There was not much left, but the bones were still there. But I will tell what was still there, a cat who decided this was a good place to live. Well, i really wanted to pet it, but this 4 year old and his mom beat me to it. But when he finished I swooped in. He was ignoring me, so I tapped his tail, ever so lightly, and he looked at me like I was crazy and mini-attacked my hand! Thankfully no skin was broken. That's just what I need...to go to a French hospital and not be able to tell them what the hell happened.

The finished our Roman monument tour with the Ampitheater. It was 1000s of years old, but still used for concerts today! Absolutely fantastic. Earlier in the week, I caught wind that Van Gogh painted "Cafe Terrace" in Arles. This is one of my favorite paintings and probably my favorite Van Gogh. I told the girls we had to see it and it was magnificient! A lot of the cafe has been remodeled to look like the painting. We then went to another Van Gogh inspiration place: a former mental hospital. I have never seen the painting before, but it was still cool to see the originals.

This took up the entirity of our day and the weather was beginning to turn bad. We headed back to the hotel and grabbed dinner from a grocery store along the way. The rest of the evening was very quiet and we watched CNN Europe. I thought it was interesting to get a different perspective on world events...usually caused by the US. Sleep followed very soon after.

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The trip to Avignon was a total success! It was partly due to Cari, but mostly due to me. We arrived into the Gare Centre and our hostel was only a little walk from there, no more than 10 minutes. We arrived at the hostel about noon and we just dropped our bags off because our room was not ready at the time.

From there, we walked down the main street, but everything was closed, because it was Sunday. Apparently, the French take their day of rest very, very seriously. We walked the length of Avignon and it was at the other end of town where all the good stuff was. We wanted to check out the Musee du Petit Palais first, but it was closed for lunch. So, we walked around the park that was in the city. It overlooked the town and gave picturesque views as the signs suggested. I could have sworn I saw an Alpe, but Cari and Kristi refused to believe that school of thought.....

We continued around the park and gardens and it was very pretty. Flowers were in bloom still and the trees still had their leaves. It was not the prettiest I have seen, but still quite nice. Other parts of the park offered views of Villeneuve. It was the neighboring town across the River Rhone and past a little island the River created. In Villeneuve was La Chartreuse, which the park gave great views of. La Chartreuse was first a monestary turned Pope hideout turned prison turned tourist attraction. That's a pretty fantastic history for a building if you ask me, which none of you did. It was during our walk around the park when we really started talking about very relavent issues: who our favorite Top Model is. It was nice discussing some of my interests with people who could keep up.

When we descended the hill, the art museum was open and we decided it was time to go in. I was excited to see some of the art that would never be found in the US or by US painters. We went to buy our tickets, and for some reason, the ticket man thought Kristi and I were a couple. I do not know how he thought that because we really were not even standing close to each other. I even told him we were paying separetly, but I guess people only hear what they want to hear. As for the museum, it was kind of a let down, sad enough to say. It was advertised as early Roman architecture and sculptures spanning into more modern artists. The first room was in fact Roman sculptures, but they were mostly of Jesus and saints, and, well, we all know how I feel about that. The rest of the room was this 14th Century Pre-Renaissance religious crap paintings. Most slash all of them looked the same and I did not understand all the religious references.

All of them were of baby Jesus suckling Mary's boob that magically spouted from her neck. Is that how it works? Despite heinous interpretations of female anatomy, the worst part of the musuem was when a tour guide found out we were American. He claimed to speak perfect English. He gave us a little tour around some of the galleries, but I did not understand about 95-97% of what he said. He kept trying to make American culture references, but he never really made the connection...bless his little heart. He also explained different colors Botecelli used, including "red firemen," "blue policeman," and "yellow poste," which is a reference to "post office yellow." He discussed a painting with us and explained why Mary had a "strong hand." Imagine a hand being mangled through a meat grinder and there you go. Apparently, Botecelli was a sculptor and did not know how to paint hands...at least, that is what I could pick out.

After that, we went to the Palais des Papes. It is the largest Gothic palace in the world. Really, it was quite impressive, if I say so myself. I am always amazed at how grand the rooms can be. My favorite room was the Tanil. It had a huge ceiling completely covered in wood paneling and was rounded. The Pope would have his huge parties there celebrating big events. It was absolutely magnificient. It was also crazy to think that thousands of people from hundreds of years of history had been in that room, celebrating and what not. I also liked the Popes' bedroom. It had a beautiful blue wall with gold branches painted, leaves, birds, and squirrels painted on it. The top of the palace also provided beautiful views of the town and surrounding areas.

From there, we went to the Pont d'Avignon. Cari really wanted to dance on it, which she and Kristi did, as per the song. I enjoyed hearing about the history of the bridge and of St. Benezet, which I believed none of it.We returned to the hostel after that. The room was glorious. Painted a cheery bright yellow...but not "yellow poste..." with stencils of olives, very provencal. It was at this point I fell asleep. I did not get much sleep the night before and, let's be real here, I love napping. After I woke up, it was dinner time. We were all starving at this point so w decided to go to the Irish pub down the street. How French! We also had a lovely "get-to-know-you" conversation, since we did not know each other. Needless to say, we were at the restaurant a very long time.

We headed back to the hostel and I told myself I would take a shower, but I did not want to. I was just too tired to get out of bed when after I laid down. I asked Cari to read from her travel book what we were going to do in Arles, but I'm pretty sure I was asleep and just kept agreeing with her. I had no idea what she said and could recollect nothing. However, me sleeping did not stop me from correcting her grammar and pronunciation of English words....a teacher's work never stops, right? She will learn one day.